Since women have, for so long, had to "let guys get" to various bases I decided to take it upon myself make up some bases for you girls that should allow you to tell your friends how the important part of your relationship is going.
First base: Hand holding. This is, without a doubt the most important base because unless a man is holding your hand you risk it spontaneously wilting due to contact with the corrosive atmosphere.
Second base: He asks you about your day. Yes, this will come after you give him constant updates about what you're doing during the day, but him asking you shows either he wasn't listening or he cares just that much. And obviously he's been listening because he holds your hand.
Third base: He buys you things regularly. Nothing says "relationship is on its way to a better place" than money being poured like manna from heaven. This includes every dinner being on his tab, all movie tickets, and perhaps even the fabled purchase of shoes that you like.
And finally, home plate is when he says he loves you. This means just one of two things: he wants to bump uglies or he feels like you forced him to say it. And either way, he's been buying you stuff, so you might as well just do it. There's like a 1% shot he really means it, and you've gotta live for that 1%.
So there you go. If you want to stop using your body as the bases you can. Empowering feminism and all that.
P.S. I'd also suggest you start saying people owe you a house when you jinx them instead of a soda. Good things will result.
Mikey Dubs. I have found various flaws in this argument. First of all, hand holding doesn't mean shit. I've held hands with various ten year old autistic kids, and really don't feel like it was the start of a beautiful beginning or anything. TWO: The only person who ever asks me how my day is, is my mother. But I'm pretty sure breast feeding was the closest we'll ever get to dating. Just sayin' don't get a girls hopes up, If he's asking about your day, he's probably just bored and looking to make conversation with anyone. THIRD BASE: Fuck this buying you shit. Unless the guy is super rich I highly doubt he actually buys you things constantly. Yeah, he should probably pay for dinner cause blowies aint free but presents are reserved for the gift giving holidays, unless you're trying to really guilt her into boning. In which case, that has zero to do with relationships. And Finally, the "I love you." I definitely don't think it's 99%. But let's say it is. Well then, there is a 99% chance she is only saying it back because you said it to her and doesn't know what to do. Last but not least, I do not know who you are dating, but she sounds annoying as shit. BA BANG. DONE.
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