Pictures

-M (such a stupid name) informed me that our blog needs pictures. I disagree, as a word is worth .1% of a picture. And since our Twitter-driven society is all about brevity these days, wouldn't you want the smaller little chunk?

...

Yes. I understand that argument doesn't make sense.

Here's what I don't like about pictures. You bring camera so you can document memories of stuff, right? But the catch: you generally aren't in your pictures. My parents told me to take pictures when I vacationed to the Dominican Republic. So I do. Took pics of the beach, and the shells, and the water, and the food, and all that stuff. And they were like "are there any pictures of you?" Of course there aren't! It's my camera! I'd look like a tool if I brought a camera to a place and then told the person I'm with to take a bunch of pictures of me. If someone tells me to take a picture of them, I'll give them a max of two. Any more than that, I think they're a dick.

And then I continue taking pics of them obediently like a neutered puppy dog.

But regardless! Seems like a bitch move. We need to invent a camera that attaches to you from a distance of about ten feet away from you. Like a helmet that attaches to your head and has a pole that holds a camera on you from a perfect distance. Of course, then you'd look like a moron.

But I'm used to that.

Generation Suck

It's official, I hate my generation. But not for the normal reasons.

No, it's not their taste in music. It's not because they're entitled-the baby boomers had that in spades. It's not that they can't manage to spell correctly or use proper grammar on the internet.

I hate my generation because they have no idea what good teaching is. To students these days, a good teacher is one that teaches you directly from lecture notes that they provide to you ahead of time, then goes through and highlights specific areas they plan to put on the test. It's not a teacher who encourages thinking or does a good job explaining the material; it's a teacher that reads the powerpoint and bolds it properly.

Even more than that, every student's first response to a poor exam grade is to ask the teacher to curve the test and/or make the next test easier. There's never a consideration of "Hmm, maybe I should have studied more" or "Hmm, maybe my study strategy was off." No, it's always the teacher's fault. In fact, if the teacher misgraded the test and gave people extra points, most people's gut response is to tell them that "they have no right to lower my grade."

Actually they do, dumbass, you got the question wrong.

I thought this would just be highschool, then I thought it might just be early college, but now I see that it's going to last forever. God save the world that's going to have this generation in charge. I hope the guidelines to running the country come in study guides with bolded areas of importance or the United States President is going to fail utterly in a few decades.

@ Jamie Schefen

Go home. No one wants you here.

5 Minutes of My Fingers Not Leaving the Keyboard

It's a really nice day but a little chilly... I like it chilly though. But I'd prefer my hands not to be cold. But wearing gloves sucks 'cause then I have less finger dexterity. That would be a cool invention, gloves that still give you feeling in your fingers. Then you could still feel the seams of a baseball when you were pitching, or how soft the person's hand you're holding feels, or hold a pen, or type, or stuff. Although I suppose if you could invent that technology the best use would be for condoms, 'cause then the dude could still feel the vagina stuff despite wearing the condom. Hmm. I'm never going to work on this idea at all.

Everybody just wants to fall in love... that's the song I'm listening to. Really no special insight there. A girl just dropped a paper in the trash can five feet to the left of me. I think it was a gum wrapper. Gum-chewing is on my top hundred list of things I dislike in a person... but it has to be excessive gum-chewing. I'm not a hound for it, like Willy Wonka and the Oompa-Loompas are. Did you ever think of that? How in Willy Wonka, gum-chewing is considered as bad as being spoiled and not reading and stuff? Seriously, it's not THAT big of a deal. Curious. Like, can you imagine if the Oompa Loompas did a song on finger-nail chewing? That's not the best habit in the world but it's not the worst either. There was so much other stuff that could've been done. Like... watch out for herpes or something. Terrible advice by Willy Wonka.

Now a person threw a Subway bottle out. Every time someone throws stuff out I think they're coming over to talk to me. I can't decide if I'm disappionted when they don't talk to me or not. I mean, a part of me would like the company but I really don't know what to say to the person that would possibly be talking to me. Of course if they initiated the conversation all pressure would be off me, it'd be up for them to carry it. I always feel like I'm the one responsible for directing the conversation. Maybe that's part of my personality? Or is it that I choose to interact with people that generally don't? I must admit that, now that I think of it, some of my better friends are the ones that direct the conversation about equally to me. So maybe that's what makes friendships. Not conversation-hogging. I like people that I don't need to think of things to say with. Or if there's a silence and they don't look at me wide-eyed like "YOU'RE FAILING SAY SOMETHING YOU LOSER YOU'RE FAILING THIS CONVERSATION." Maybe no one is actually thinking that, maybe that's just my imagination.

I just smiled at a little girl. The big man behind her looked at me funny. I ducked my head.

Five minutes is ending in ten seconds. What can I write what can I write umm umm parad

A Baseball Metaphor for Girls

Since women have, for so long, had to "let guys get" to various bases I decided to take it upon myself make up some bases for you girls that should allow you to tell your friends how the important part of your relationship is going.

First base: Hand holding. This is, without a doubt the most important base because unless a man is holding your hand you risk it spontaneously wilting due to contact with the corrosive atmosphere.

Second base: He asks you about your day. Yes, this will come after you give him constant updates about what you're doing during the day, but him asking you shows either he wasn't listening or he cares just that much. And obviously he's been listening because he holds your hand.

Third base: He buys you things regularly. Nothing says "relationship is on its way to a better place" than money being poured like manna from heaven. This includes every dinner being on his tab, all movie tickets, and perhaps even the fabled purchase of shoes that you like.

And finally, home plate is when he says he loves you. This means just one of two things: he wants to bump uglies or he feels like you forced him to say it. And either way, he's been buying you stuff, so you might as well just do it. There's like a 1% shot he really means it, and you've gotta live for that 1%.

So there you go. If you want to stop using your body as the bases you can. Empowering feminism and all that.

P.S. I'd also suggest you start saying people owe you a house when you jinx them instead of a soda. Good things will result.